How to build a successful career AND a successful family

With busy schedules, technology that keeps us on 24/7, and long commutes, being a working parent is a constant struggle. I'm intimately familiar with the problems and tradeoffs. My career is important to me — but so are my wife, my kids, my dog, and the rest of my family. I frequently have to choose between finishing a project and seeing my kids before bed. I don't have a silver bullet. But I do have seven strategies to help you tackle the challenge.

Be honest and specific

I'm constantly making tradeoffs between family and work. But when something critical comes up, I know that my family comes first — and I'm upfront about that. No, I'm not afraid that my boss will read this post. I actually told him that before accepting my role. It helps to be specific. I ask to see my son before bed four out of five weeknights and to travel less than 20%. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to have that conversation. But focus, honesty, and strong principles also make you a valuable employee. Don't forget that.

Be flexible

If you ask your boss to be flexible, be flexible in return. It has to go both ways. For example, if I want to leave at 6pm to see my kids, I may need to work from 9–11pm at home. If I don't want to fly on Sunday, I may need to leave at 4:30am on Monday. I'm not asking to contribute less to the team — hell no — but I am asking for flexibility in when and how I work. There's a critical difference.

Outsource the little things

You need to be pragmatic about getting help. There are three truly key activities: making an impact at work, spending quality time with your family, and taking care of yourself (exercise, reading, social outlets). Everything else — laundry, dishes, grocery shopping — just needs to get done. As long as you can afford it, outsource the hell out of the little things. I'm frugal and I take pride in doing things myself. But I recently switched from grocery shopping on Saturday to using a delivery service. The cost difference was marginal and it gave me an extra hour with my family on the weekend. Easy decision. Show your kids that you work hard and don't take anything for granted — but outsource the little things when you can.

Draw a pie chart of how you want to spend your time

Make a pie chart and see how hard it is to fit things in. I didn't even list commuting, making dinner, cleaning, or projects 4–99. Thinking about life this way will teach you to be ruthless about saying no. With lists, it's free to add things to the end. With a pie chart, you can visually see the tradeoffs every time you change something.

Lose your phone during family time

It's hard because we're addicted. So trade phones with your spouse, turn yours off, toss it in a drawer — do whatever it takes to have uninterrupted moments with your loved ones. The quality of your time together matters enormously. Make it count. Every year is roughly 2% of the time you'll spend working, but 5% of the time you'll spend living with your kids.

Stop watching television every day

People say you can't have it all. Well, if you define "all" as a successful career, a great family life, three hours of movies every night, two hours at the gym each morning, and an extensive travel schedule — no, you can't have it "all." But you can have a successful career and a successful family life. What you can't have is twenty other things that also consume your time. So start cutting what matters less. Television sucks up more time than it's worth. If TV is truly important to you, save the shows you love — but don't watch them every single day. As an experiment, drop television for seven days and see what you get done. I dare you. Pursuing greatness at home and at work is not for the faint of heart, so make intelligent sacrifices.

Treat your family commitments like a meeting with the CEO

Seriously — pretend you have a meeting with the CEO. Let's say your last meeting ends at 6:30 and you need to leave at 6:30 sharp or you'll miss the train. It's easy to get squirmy, stare at the clock, and miss it because the meeting ran late. Now imagine you had a meeting at 6:30 with the CEO. What would you do? You'd say, "Folks, I have a meeting with the CEO at 6:30 so I need to leave five minutes early." Then at 6:25 you'd stand up, stick your chest out, and leave. Your coworkers would understand — they might even hold the door. So treat your family commitments the same way. "Folks, I have to leave at 6:25 or I'll miss my train home to see my kids — let's be efficient and wrap this up early." At 6:25, remind people about your commitment, stick your chest out, and head to the train, offering to handle follow-ups after bedtime.

Building a successful career and a successful family is hard. Really. Really. Hard. Honest, flexible, and disciplined leadership is required at every level to make it work. But done right, there is nothing in the world more satisfying.

This post was inspired by my grandmother, Mary Jane Grasty, who passed away after 91 years. She was one of the smartest, toughest, and kindest people I've ever met — all at once. She did physics research with a Nobel Prize–winning physicist during World War II and later stayed home with her family. She lived in a time when men chose careers and women chose families. I believe in a world where we can choose both. That means embracing a whole new set of challenges. I'm happy to embrace them, and I'm optimistic about the world that my one-year-old daughter will see during her lifetime.